Wednesday, October 10, 2012

200th Post : OVERCOMING Jealousy

[ After a mad rush of posting to reach the 200th post .... here goes my 200th finally!  ]

Khud jiyo, auron ko bhi jeene do
Yhi to hai zindagi ka rasta
tumhe aman ki shanti ka vasta

yahi likha hai geetta or koran main
yahi hai vani nanak aur kabir ki
isi liye to Gandhiji ne jaan di
Ki samjhe duniya us kabi ki
unhi ki zindag thi kis kaam ki.............

This was one of the Prayers in my school at Kendriya Vidyalaya, Manauri, Allahabad. And this is the simple doctrine and manta i have tried to live by all my life.

Live and Let Live

I firmly believe that if you cannot bring a smile and happiness in someone's life, don't be a reason to cause them unhappiness. But in my time on this Planet i have observed that often Jealousy creeps in creating havoc all around.

It was jealousy towards Lord Rama that  made Manthara pollute the mind of Kekayi, resulting in King  Dashrath fulfilling the vachan given to his wife and asking Rama to go into exile for 14 years.

Human nature has not changed much over the Milleniums 

As a child growing up with three other siblings in a fixed salary, there were many instances when i felt my friends were better off than me .More privileges  more attention, higher pocket money, more travel etc.  But all these combined mad me feel envious,  rarely jealous.  That maddening all consuming negative emotion which maims your rightful thinking and sends you off on a journey of negativity.

It is jealousy that makes one forget all sense of reason and spew negativity on someone who has better life than you, never mind if they toiled for it.never mind if they rightly deserved it.  Jealousy is blind to everything and only spouts negative emotions.

i was a happy child and young woman till the age of 22.  That is when i got married and my life changed.  eing a Piscean i was dreamy and optimistic  Post marriage the harsh and black realities of the real world hit me.  one by one.  And the dreamy girl changed gradually.

I did not know that i had hidden reserves of strength, patience and perseverance  One by one i tried to face the challenges , never giving up on optimism and Hope.

Perhaps my perona had also  to do with the fact that i grew up on the Parental advice coupled with Moral Science 

Love your Youngers
Respect your Elders
Obey your Parents.

This was in the mid 70s. I am not kidding :)

To the younger generation like my daughters, this will seem far stretched.  And it is so, in many ways.  I realized it after decades of living in the real world. I had to unlearn this.  And form new ethos, by my life experiences. 
 Like i mentioned earlier in the post, I had to face challenges. and my challenges were visible to my near and dear ones.

It is here that jealousy comes in. Many close to me were unable to accept that in spite of the hardships  i never gave up.  Never lost .a single opportunity to build my nest to raise my girls. Keep up with the changing times in spite of not having a long term career.

My gusto was undigestable to many  and i became  a target of jealousy. It was only recently that i realized the doctrine and moral science  i grew up on....' Love your youngers..... had lost its sheen.

And i took charge of life.  For the first time,   I decided to call a spade a spade, regardless of the fact that someone was elder to me. I took strategic steps to show my detractors what i thought of their jealous schemes. And trust me, it feels awesome to get rid of all that baggage.

Jealousy is the bane of many relationships falling apart.

Shobhaa De, in one of her novels shared that in many cases a man is unable to accept and cope with the success of his wife and  this leads to   a falling apart of marriage

You can be the target of jealousy at ANY  point of time, from ANY  quarter.

In your own interest, it is essential  that you don't live in denial and face the scary emotion head on .While it is Ok to give the other person benefit of the doubt. you must finally decide how to end the negativity targeted at you.
I believe hat each one of has her own destiny.  We should try to accept things.    And  if someone else is better endowed than us, learn to accept that instead of becoming mad with rage and jealousy. 

When i stayed up for 30 hours non stop to make my hubby's website,   many congratulated me on  the end result. And there  were a few close ones, who though kept tabs on my Blog and my posts stayed mum.  No marks for guessing why :).
According to Wikipedia: 

Jealousy is an emotion  and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings  of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection.

 Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.

It  has been a theme of many artistic works.

 Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified factors that result in jealousy

. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy

. Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books.

 Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their respective faiths.

There are many different types of jealousy that the human body can experience. Jealousy can be seen in everyday activities and settings. Jealousy is an intense emotion that is associated with the loss of services or outcomes associated with other individuals. This intense emotion can be seen or experienced in family situations, at work, in romantic relationships and even between friends.
  • Sibling rivalry – Sibling rivalry is a common form of family jealousy. Family jealousy can affect all ages and different members of any family.
  • Workplace jealousy – Jealousy in the work place is not uncommon. People can experience jealousy of one another in practically any setting that one person feels like they are losing services from something or someone else. This type of jealousy is often seen between colleagues in similar job positions. I
  • Romantic jealousy – Romantic jealousy can be experienced in long-term or short-term relationships. One partner can feel the emotion of jealousy arise if the other partner is paying more attention or time with someone else. 
  • Platonic jealousy – Platonic jealousy is a form of jealousy that is seen in friendships. Platonic jealousy is similar to romantic jealousy in the way that this type of relationship can lead to jealousy in result of fear of being replaced, having competition or being compared to a third party.
So refrain from jealousy

.  Don't let it build a home in your mind capacity, robbing you of your reasoning .  Because if you do, it will start an epidemic of unhappiness  and negativity, Robbing you of your reasoning capacity. And it just might destroy your world too, if it goes off tangent.

Settle on being happily envious.  Strive for being good. Embrace goodness and throw jealousy out of the window once and for all.

Be happy and spread  happiness. Just like a flower, which exhibits nor only beauty but perpetrates fragrance too.

Say NO to jealousy.

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