Sunday, February 10, 2013

Punjabi Tips :)

[Courtesy Dipankar Roy on FB]

~~Punjabi Tip # 01: 
If it isn’t a Patiala peg, it isn’t a drink!

~~Punjabi Tip # 02:
When we say Cloney, we don’t mean George Clooney. It might mean Defence Cloney!

~~Punjabi Tip # 03:
A Punjabi wedding without alcohol will always have a drinks-car parked outside!

~~Punjabi Tip # 04:
If you’re Punjabi, you definitely know at least one Sweety, Sunny, Tony, Jassi or Honey!

No party is ...complete, till people start dancing & singing to ‘Oh Ho Ho Ho, Ishq tera tadpave’!

~~Punjabi Tip # 06:
Butter Chicken, Butter Naan and Butter Milk – Three course meal for a Punjabi!

~~Punjabi Tip # 07:
Tandoori Chicken, the National Bird of Punjab!

~~Punjabi Tip # 08:
‘Oye, Koyi nahi yaar’ is our reply to ‘Shit Happens’!

~~Punjabi Tip # 09:
If we use MC / BC more than 5 times in one sentence with you, we probably love you!

~~Punjabi Tip # 10:
The only people who proudly call themselves ‘Amplifiers’ and their girlfriends ‘Woofers’

!!Punjabi Tip # 11:
5 things Punjabi would have – Bullet (bike), Jutti, Ray Bans, Jeep and Woofers

~~Punjabi Tip # 12:
It doesn’t matter if you are from Andhra Pradesh, Kerala, Tamil Nadu or Bangalore; we think you’re a ‘Madarasi’

~~Punjabi Tip # 13:
You know you’re Punjabi when your nickname at home is ‘Ullu de Patthe’ or ‘Khote de Puttar’

~~Punjabi Tip # 14:
Canada & UK – Part of Punjab.

~~Punjabi Tip # 15:
P is for ‘Panj Mint’ and no matter how near or far a Punjabi is from you, he always says he’ll reach in ‘Panj Mint’!

Hotel Gujjufonia :) :) :)

[Courtesy Mahesh Murthy on FB]

After Hotel Keralafonia, it's Hotel Gujjufonia:

Hotel California - Gujju Style

On Eastern Express highway
Navratan tel in my hair
Warm smell of theplas
Rising up thru the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My had grew havvy, aney sight grew dim
It was Hetal ben I was right!

There she stood on the highway
I heard the ringtone bale
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Phalguni Pathak, not Adele
Then she lit up a metch stick and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thote I heard them say...

Welcome to the nite of disco dandiya
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Planty of food at disco dandiya
Nine nights of year, you can find it here

Her mind is gathiya-twisted, she got the healthy thighs
She got a lot of pratty pratty boys, that she calls bhais
How they do garba in cot yard, switt summer swate
Some go arararara, and some forgate

So I called Baku fui's husband, please bring my chaas
He said we havent had that glass since we have nirjal upwaas
End steel those voices are colin froam far hawey!
Wake you up in the middle of ratrau
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to night of disco dandiya
Such a lovely base
Underneath your drase

They shakin it up at disco dandiya
What a nice surprise, bring Rames, Sures bhais!

Mirrors on the ghagra choli
Pink odhni that is supakk nice
Aney she jau we are al just dancer here, wearing zari work on Levi's
And then at Ghatkopar Samaaj hole,
They gaythered for the pheest
They eat it all with gusto
And go back to buffet for repeat!

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the loo
I had to wait back
Ror people to finish before
Relax said Bakul maasa
We are programmed to receive
You can eat as much as you want
But you cannot just sheet